Thursday, June 24, 2004
I was thinking of Teah. Lol. and the fact that i miss her Drive Thru Records Vol. 1 DVD, lol. Nate, Marry me. :P
My favourite word right now is...queer. No offense or anything though. I just effing love that word.
What is it with people pairing Tony and Pete together? THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN THEM. Okay, so if they fucked once, end of that. I REPEAT, THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN THEM. Tony would always be with Benji. Huhahaha. and maybe Chelsea. But not with Pete, i hope. Lol. Pete goes with Pat. Please don't change that.
Would a person that admits he is a hyprocrite still be called a hypocrite?
I was thinking of Jere and how him, Tony, Benji, Billy, Quinn and yadda yadda yadda are vegans/vegetarians. I looked up veganism and here's an interesting article i found with the title "So You Wanna Be a Vegan?".
I love my life right now. Those comfortable feelings i've been on about that i'll only feel when i listen to certain songs, i'm feeling it right now, no songs needed. And with the coming school opening, that feeling is getting lesser and lesser. I've asked my parents and sister and aunty and all of them doesn't want me to stop going now, wait until it's august or september or whatever. What the fuck for anyway?! It's not like i'm going to need fucking bio, chem and elit for my course in uk. I don't want to go to school anymore :( it makes me unhappy (and not literally). I'm not trying to be dramatic but I DON'T WANNA GO TO SCHOOL ANYMORE :(((( I can't wait till September and i'm crying. Oh yes, hello emo. And fuck all these emo songs. no, i'm kidding, i take that 'fuck emo songs' back.
I have an idea for a lyric. Something about the guy thinking of another girl, who he thinks he's still in love with, on his wedding eve. I also have an idea of a book. I'm not writing it down here though but it'll be about a 'deranged woman'. I just need those two words to remind me of the whole idea.
I went to KK on monday and went back on thursday. My family and I had a road trip, it was awesome. My granma is badass when she's energized. And i wish i could play piano again. As good as Andrew or Amy Lee. I just want to be able to play an instrument again.
God, school. And i'm crying again. I'm reading someone's blog and it's so fucking mean. This girl posted an entry about how much she and this guy who is her bf belongs to each other, pasting their convo too (and honestly, the guy sounds like a fucking perv who is looking for some cyber sex thing, fucking queer) and then the next entry, she was saying about how a girl is coming over her bf's area (i'm guessing they live far from each other) and how he told her that he's prolly gonna have sex with that girl. THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL LOVE? Yeah, think with your penis, why don't you?! I'll fuckign cut em off! Leen and I make a great sadistic assasination team, i tell ya.
Reading all these people's blogs about their heartaches, it kinda makes me wonder why i really wanna be with someone so bad and feel that 'i don't care what other people are saying, i will always have him' feeling. Knowing me, i'll probably fuck things up. I just can't seem to find a guy that i can fully open myself up to. My past relationships, i can safely say that i was the one who always wanted to dominate and that's how most of my relationships ended, one because he was too possessive and the other one, he was just too far away and it wouldn't work out because i seldom see him and we only got together literally at the airport on his flight to his present location and it drove me nuts knowing that he wasn't calling and writing me emails, i was such a fucking queer, i learned that long distance relationships don't last when you don't know that person well enough to trust him. But it's all good because i am still good friends with them. As cliche as this sounds, i do think trust is one of the most important things in a relationship, i want to be able to trust my boyfriend even when he's surrounded by naked chicks but yeah, stupid dream, i know. I want to be able to be real with him, i don't want that "you are the reason i live" bullshit people put on their nicks. I can take shit from people and if i love him that much, i can totally take it from him and i also want to be able to stop trying to take control of the relationship, i want the equality thing. I want to be able to talk things through with him, i want a best friend/boyfriend kinda thing. I want a sweet guy, not those "roses on the bed, candlelit dinner" shit, just the unnoticable sweet things like the way he'll stare at you when you don't notice and the way he lovingly talks about you in front of his friends without noticing it and i know i want so much in a relationship and i know i probably won't find 'him' but eventhough i won't find him in my next relationship-if i do get into a relationship again, that is-, i want it to leave a mark on me, the kind that whatever shit he did to me or i did to him as the reason that we broke up, i would be able to look back and smile and feel all warm when i think of him.
Listening to one of my fav. songs at the mo, Still Breathing by Cauterize. I want this kind of love.
Tear me open at the seams
Take everything you need
Take my heart if you like the beat
Take my lungs if it's hard to breathe, to breathe.
"I'm not cold," she said
But she's shaking as she's lying next to me naked
Pulled the hair back from her face to let that smile heat this place
And this feels so far from real
I'm lost and I love it
I can't take it, if you're waiting
I am ready to tell the world about a girl who showed me love again for the first time
And it's everything I dreamed of
Tell me what you thought about when you were breathing oh so loud
Screaming oh so loud
Tell me if this is real
I need to know before I get too close
So here were lie in this beautiful mess of tangled sheets and beads of sweat
With my heart in your hand and my neck in the other
Should I be scared or should I come closer?
But it's still beating and I'm still breathing.
You haven't hurt me yet
Morning always comes too quick when you're around,
When you're around.
You leave me lying here so they don't find us out,
They'll find us out.
Tear me open at the seams
Take everything you need
Take my heart if you like the beat
Take my lungs if it's hard to breathe.
God, i am going to hate my life starting from Monday and you, i will forget you.
Envy drowned in words at 20:57
[- 0 wrecked words -]
