Monday, January 03, 2005
OKAY! I'm so tired. Of not knowing what to write. Of hiding stuff from people. Of being nice to people i don't want to be nice to. It feels like sometimes...i'm better off alone. Dramatic mode: on. *sigh* I'm going back to Cardiff on Friday. Oh whee. SOME PEOPLE JUST PISS THE FUCK OUT OF ME :) Just wanted to point that out. *sharp intake of breath*
I made something. It's nothing out of the ordinary and i'm not saying this to be fucking modest.
If i said i was drunk, would it make things any better or worse?
Would it make you feel any better if i said he made the first move?
I'd lie if it makes it easier for you. I swear i will.
I'd tell you that he brought me here and did this to me.
No marks, that's where the drunken lie comes in.
It isn't over until you say it is. Don't say it's over.
I love you, yes, i do but it's these temptations that's gone too far.
Would i blame me for this? I don't think you really want me to.
It's over with him. It's never over with us. It'd never be over.
Close those eyes and kiss me good night.
Another lie to hold on to.
It's never the truth and we love the way it always falls into place.
Oh ya. Don't even ask me what that means.
If you got to know me just a week ago, i'd probably just look at you and shake your hand and then walk away and when i do see you again, i'd probably won't remember you. I don't know. Okay...so, it's not the past week only. It's been like a week at least. It's like...i have no fucking idea what i'm doing most of the time and truthfully, i didn't remember much of what i did (aside from constantly being beside sarah, jamming with anna and stuff done with ina) during the past weeks and how i felt about them. Hence why my blog was practically not updated (up to its usual standard i mean *ahem*) and why i just can't write anyfuckingthing in it. But i don't know...sitting on my ass for the past three hours and chatting to a friend of mine, he made me gain it back and i don't know what 'it' is but i got it back and it's like...i remembered random things that i did during the past 2 or more weeks while i was chatting with him and all the time all we did was talk about anything but what i did in the past weeks. It was a nice feeling. And you, thanks for giving whatever it was i lost back.
Like Anna, i'm seriously debating whether or not i should get an iPod for my birthday. It's cheaper here ($480) than in Cardiff (179 pounds - damn this laptop for not having a pound sign). Should i or should i not? Comment me about it.
Why don't people send me emails? I mean...Ina's my only loyal email sender. And i write long stalker-report emails to her! I promise i'd write long ones to you too (maybe less psychotic and stalker-ish than my emails to Ina. She's special so she gets to see the best of everything me).
It's 4:27am. I need to pray and tell God that i'm happy to be alive as i am right now. And people, please donate to the tsunami victims & their families. A cent makes a difference. But all the sites are credit cards only and if you don't have any, please don't steal someone's. You can help by switching off CNN because it depresses everyone (or maybe just me).
Envy drowned in words at 19:20
[- 0 wrecked words -]
